"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
