so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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