I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
