I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
