shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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