I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
