Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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