oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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