I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
