You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
