Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
