stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
