On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
