That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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