Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
PANTIES FOUND
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