Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
