yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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