what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
