Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
