My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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