I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
