i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
