worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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