You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
