i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
