What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
