you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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