He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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