I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
