Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
