Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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