we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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