normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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