Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
