I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
