Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
