Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
