i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
