Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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