bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
