i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
