Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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