Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
