what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
only you would photoshop your dick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
