I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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