she was so not down for the gang bang
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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