The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
