Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
