now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so let's talk penis.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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