I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
