So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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