Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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