i will never coherently bang her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
