I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
