The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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