That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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