Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
