i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
