I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
