While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
