The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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