I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
