im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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