so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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