Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
