I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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