no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
