farters have to be the big spoon...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
