I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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