The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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