I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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