i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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