i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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