Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
