Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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