oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize