dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
