Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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