Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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