he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
