So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
